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Spontaneous and Responsive Desire

When working as a couple’s therapist and now as a Relationship Empowerment Coach, one thing that would be discussed in sessions would be sex, naturally. In a lot of cases there was a disconnect on things like: who intimates it and how often it took place. One client...

Sleep, Mental Health and Relationships

Yes, there is a connection. In fact, according to Dr Michael Mosley, sleep is critical for your mental and physical health. Before I focused my attention on relationships within my coaching practice, I worked for the NHS as a therapist. One thing that I noticed then...

Weaponized Incompetence

On Purpose or Accidental Incompetence? Do you find yourself saying - ‘Oh, just leave it then and I’ll do it’ or hearing things like - ‘You know you are better than me at doing that’ or that someone you know just never has the time to do the things they were supposed...

What Can Create Self-Doubt and How to Eliminate it

I was recently asked to write an article on Self Doubt for BeYourOwn - a global media company, helping you to achieve your full potential.  For those of you not a subscriber to the website - here is the piece I wrote for them. What is self-doubt? Well, in dictionary...

Apology Languages

  I have previously written and made a podcast about Love Languages and how they can be significant in creating and maintaining a healthy loving relationship: www.johnkennycoaching.com/thelanguageoflove The Language Of Love - The Relationship Guy - Omny.fm Did...

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

A Common Reason that Relationships Fail and Most Are Unaware They Do ItI was recently asked about how you can have a ‘chill’ break up for a piece in the press. When writing my answers on the best ways to do this, what to avoid, the best times etc, one thing that came...

Building Boundaries

The Power of Setting Yourself Lines, You Won't Let Others CrossWhat is like for you to say the word no? What is it like to hear it? Such a small little word, yet so very powerful. Does it bring up guilt? Make you feel strong? Nervous? All you are doing when saying no,...

How Attachment Styles Influence Your Sex Life!

If you have read any other of my pieces or listened to my podcast interviews, you will have heard the term Attachment Style on a variety of occasions. The repeated exposure to your primary caregivers has an enormous influence on how you developed as a human being and,...

Signs Someone Actually Likes You, and Some Things to be Aware of

There are signs that we notice, but others we can overlook. There are reasons why this may be the case and one of them is that you are subconsciously ignoring the signs as you are not ready to connect yet. They may even be stopping themselves from just saying it as...

The Language of Love

This could mean many things to many people, body language, subconscious physical and psychological triggers, someone’s smell – but I would put that into the attraction bracket. Love however and the ‘language’ around this is different. When I talk about language in...

Healthy and Unhealthy Love – Part Two

This is the question I left with at the end of part one, so what is the answer? First of all: This is one of those truly unanswerable existential questions, as there is a complexity and depth to love that as humans we have a hard time wrapping our minds around. But...

Healthy and Unhealthy Love – Part One

Understanding Love The History of Attraction and the “In Love” Experience The story of “love” is an ever-evolving drama that in most cases has nothing to do with romance. I’m not saying that people’s relationships today do not have romance (although most,...

Top Five Predictors to a Healthy Relationship

I have previously mentioned the 75-year Grant Study on several occasions as it concluded that the biggest indicator to the quality of your life, is the quality of your relationships. As The Relationship Guy, it has become my main focus to try and help as many High...

Do You Want it or Need it – What is the Difference?

If you have been following me for any length of time then you may have seen me write about looking for the things that you want, rather than the things that you need. It isn’t that needs are bad, they are an essential part of living a fulfilled life. It is that if you...

What is Self-Actualisation?

What is Self-Actualisation? The term ‘self-actualisation' was first coined by Kurt Goldstein (a neurologist and psychiatrist). He characterised self-actualisation as a process of becoming a “self” that is holistic – that one's self and environment make a greater...

A Little Secret That Can Improve Your Relationships

Well, there can be negatives but being sensitive can help improve your relationships. Maybe, sometimes you feel that you are too in tune with the emotions of others. That you need to walk on eggshells around someone because of their mood, or go out of your way to make...

The Importance of Deep Relationships

I have written a piece previously about the significance of relationships to our overall well-being and happiness, from my personal experiences, working with my clients and quoting the results of the Grant Study – a 75 year study looking at the contributory factors...

Whats the -Thing- to Help Your Relationships

When we communicate, it is often done with carefully thought about responses, questions and statements. Why? Well because we have tendency to try and conform to what is ‘right’. Something inoffensive, correct and appropriate. Also, we are communicating from our place...

The State that Can Ruin a Relationship

Let me begin this piece with a question. Do you sometimes lose your temper or throw a strop and then regret the things that you have said/done? Or do you someone else that does? One moment you feel okay, but the next you are out of your mind and find it hard to...

4 Steps to Solving Your Core Relationship Problem

When we enter new relationships, we either don’t seem to notice the things that people do that we don’t like, or we just ignore them. But as time goes on this ‘patience’ becomes more and more tested and sooner or later everything that they do can trigger an annoyance...

Science Backed Ways to Take Better Care of You

As it is the beginning of Mental Health Week, I thought I would write a brief piece around how you can try different things that could help you to feel healthier, happier less stressed and anxious. As I have written before in blogs and my online programmes, negative...

How Childhood Trauma Can Impact on Adult Behaviour

Since the release of my documentary – Forget Me Not – The Child You Left Behind, I have been working a lot more with people looking to explore this part of their lives. In the documentary we explore the constituent parts of ourselves that do not fit into the...

How to Keep Psychologically Fit

Over the past week I have noticed that perhaps I am beginning to struggle with the whole coronavirus lockdown/social distancing measures. At the weekend I really felt the urge to go out somewhere, apart from where I have been going for the previous few weeks, to work...

Things to do for a Positive Relationship

Every relationship needs a bit of working on, no matter how long it has been or what you think they know about you. One of the most common things that affect a relationship in a negative way is that we learn to expect. Expect that they ‘should’ know us, how we feel,...

Grey Rocking – Part One

Can’t Go No Contact with Your Narcissist? Try Grey Rocking Instead Is there is a narcissist or toxic person in your life and you have little choice but to interact with them? That actually walking away and having no contact just isn’t possible, or for your own reasons...

You Didn’t Evolve to be Happy!

I know, what a bummer of a headline. But it is true. You see a lot of self-development quotes around happiness being a choice, a frame of mind and something you need to work at. And it is very true. But why is it true and why are we not just naturally happy as a...

Alexithymia – Alexi what??

So, let me start with a definition of Alexithymia and where it first came from to describe an emotional/mental health condition. Note I say condition, as it is not seen as a specific diagnosis of a disorder. It is not a widely known term in the world of...

Something You Really Need to Know About Love

I have written some articles recently about the various reasons why we may find it hard to find a committed relationship and one of those reasons is a fear of intimacy. This is not a flaw in your character. It is a part of being human as intimacy leaves us open to the...

What is it About Relationships? – Part Two

In part one I briefly introduced Debra and her destructive relationship patterns and explained Bowlby’s attachment theory. One of the reasons that these patterns exist is because of her attachment style. Here I will delve into this further with some examples of how...

What is it About Relationships? – Part One

I have been working with a client recently, (permission received to write about this due to its significance – for the benefit of this I will call her Debra), who has a destructive pattern when it comes to relationships. The last one being a typical example of when...

Grey Rocking – Part Two

What to expect when you try and 'Grey Rock' When you use Grey Rocking with a narcissist or someone toxic, you will no doubt, get a reaction. As mentioned in part one – you never tell anyone that you are using this technique, but they will notice the differences in...

What to Avoid When Dating

I have worked with several people recently who have decided it is time to start dating again. This is a brief list of things to avoid when we get back on the dating train based on their experiences of past relationships. Putting on a performance Be authentic. If...

Cant Go No Contact with Your Narcissist? Try Grey Rocking Instead

Is there is a narcissist or toxic person in your life and you have little choice but to interact with them? That actually walking away and having no contact just isn’t possible, or for your own reasons you have chosen to have this person in your life. You no doubt...

Vulnerability

At my recent Relationship Mastery Workshop I asked people to send in questions prior to the event to be answered on the day. One sparked a debate, based around vulnerability - the question being: How can I be more open and speak up around people without feeling...

5 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting Toxic Relationships

A question that I hear a lot when I am discussing unhealthy relationship patterns is ‘why am I always attracted to toxic people?’ or 'why are toxic people attracted to me?' You may have read lots of books on the subject or been to dating workshops to figure out how to...

10 Things You Can Do to Change Your Life

1.Know what you want – one of the most common questions I ask my clients that gets an ‘I don’t know’ reply is ‘what do you want?’ We are driven by need and we need to know what we want, whether it is within your relationships, business, career etc... 2. Know why you...

7 Things to Recognise from Being in a Toxic/Unhealthy Relationship

When you take the time to reflect on your relationships from the past (or even look at the one you are in now), here are some things to recognise that they were toxic/unhealthy and what you can learn from them: 1. Red Flags Red flags are signals that there is...

Being Caring Can Have a Negative Impact on Your Relationships

Empathy is the ability to compassionately feel others' feelings and empathise with them. To ‘walk in their emotional shoes’. While empathy can be wonderfully helpful, it can also cause you to make mistakes that can hurt your relationships and lead to toxic/unhealthy...

Why Some People Won’t Apologise!

Or if they do then it is never really sincere! You have probably experienced times when people find it so hard to say sorry! I know that I have and it can be very annoying. It seems as if those words are just forced out of their mouths, or they are followed with a...

Why Would Someone Emotionally Abuse?

An emotional abuser causes others to suffer when: You do not comply with their emotional needs that were deprived of in childhood. and/orTo protect themselves from the pain they felt because of this deprivation. If you are not meeting their needs then you can be...

Staying in a Toxic Relationship Continued

In the third part of why people stay in toxic/unhealthy relationships I am going to briefly discuss ‘trauma bonding’ and the signs that it could be happening in your life. It is where you become addicted to the hormonal rollercoaster that you encounter in certain...

5 Steps that Lead to Someone Staying in a Toxic Relationship

This is the second part of blog, following on from why abused people stay in toxic relationships. These are just a few techniques used to get someone to stay in/return to an abusive situation. So, keep an eye out on how your relationship may develop: Step 1 - Standing...

Why Do People Stay in or Go Back to Toxic Relationships?

I am going to split this piece into a few pointers starting with why people go back to abusive relationships and then a piece about how the abusers try and get the abused to go back, and then even defend the abuser’s behaviour. According to a recent survey, one in...

Are you the -toxic- partner in your relationships?

Some people will say that easy and healthy relationships are hard to come by and sustain. But why would that be the case? Well, it is probably because they are used to attracting and being attracted to the types of relationships that keep them stuck in the same...

When Your Gut Instinct Misleads You!

You are told to follow your ‘gut instincts’, but what if it is leading you astray, to continue to make bad choices in your life? Sometimes, the message is more nuanced than you first realise! Have you ever sat opposite someone, maybe at dinner or out for a coffee and...

Another 5 Things That Suggest You Are in a Toxic Relationship

Another 5 Things to Be Aware Of: 1. Your Self Esteem Is Not Very High If you’ve noticed a decline in your self-esteem since you began your relationship, you need to recognise this and understand why, it might be from your partner.Toxic partners can criticise you...

11 Signs You May Have Experienced Emotional Abuse in the Past

When we experience emotional abuse in our childhood it can lead to cycle of toxic and unhealthy relationships. One reason for this is that we repressed what we went through as a way of coping. By noticing and understanding the signs of how it might still be affecting...

5 Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship

Watch out for these signs and save yourself the journey of emotional destruction of a toxic relationship: 1) They Move ‘Full On’ Into the Relationship If someone gets really interested in you too soon and tries to get close too fast, wave the red flag. If they ask you...

5 Things That May Suggest You Are in a Toxic Relationship

If you are in a relationship that you find draining, it could be that it is actually quite an unhealthy one to be in and could even be toxic! Here are 5 things that will tell you if this is a good relationship for you: 1. BEING AROUND THEM IS HARD WORK. When you are...

Gaslighting – Part Two

I wrote a piece about gaslighting in 2018 and it has been a phrase that I continually see pop up with the work I do around toxic relationships, so I thought I would write a brief follow up piece due to the frequency that it pops up in self-help guides and pieces...

Live a Relationship That You Love

3 Simple Rules for a Relationship that you Love What People Need to Know About Their Most Important Relationship As a person, the health of your relationships directly impacts your life fulfilment, happiness and success. Nothing will undermine life faster than bad...

How Love Can Destroy Your Relationship

Hi How much does your partner resemble the person you met and fell in love with? And how easy does your relationship feel now compared to what it was like before? Really take a moment to think about how things "used to be" between the two of you. Have things changed?...

Gaslighting and How to Recognise it

“Gaslighting” is a type of manipulation that invalidates you and can even lead to you questioning your own sanity. You may recognise statements such as: “That never happened; you must be imagining it.” “Everyone agrees with me, you’re overreacting.” “Wow, are you...

Quote to consider

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” —Groucho Marx

Ten Common Limiting Beliefs

Our thoughts are very powerful because they control our emotions, and our emotions lead to our behaviours, what we act on and how we react. The things that you say to yourself can be the number one support tool you have to guide you towards your goals and dreams. When...

Co-dependency Guarantees Unhappiness

Hi, I have worked with people who have never tasted a drop of alcohol and have some of the most co-dependent relationships you could imagine. Codependency may feel like an addiction, but it is a compulsion. A coming together of people with malaptive needs that need...